Saturday, March 19, 2011

Only You Control Your Happiness

Only YOU Can Control Your Happiness

Oh yes, there are many cliches we could share such as: 1) you have to be a friend to make a friend, 2) you have to love yourself in order to really know how to love another, 3) no man is an island, 4) others don't make you unhappy, you choose to be unhappy.

I think more accurately the wisdom that I have acquired at this late age (50+) I wish to share with my younger friends, colleagues, children and grand children is:

The driving force for this epiphany is the very real possibly of a young, insecure, unhappy, depression-prone young person that I see going down a dark spiral and I cannot FIX what is broken. :(

You Are in Control of Your Own Life
Passively waiting for life to happen to you, or that one other thing that you wish would happen, just one more thing....and you'll be happy.

I believe that a LOT of what life has in store for a person is based STRONGLY on ones own fortitude. If you want to be a rock star, then do what it takes to try your best to be a rock star. Of course, one can want to be a rock star, but might not have the talent to warrant the wish, but that's not the point... It's important to TRY and put EFFORT into making a life that you want, even if YOU fail at least you TRIED (many millionaires fail before they became millionaires).

Isn't a life alone half lived? Don't be filled with regrets of woulda, shoulda, coulda. You don't have to be one of the them. In fact, along the way you will be amazed at the experiences that you gain from the adventures you have in developing your full personhood. It's a journey of discover that should be lifelong with endless possibilities. A clean page to start anew EVERY DAY!!

You Are the Reason You Are Sad

This reminds me of a conversation I had when I was in my early 20's with my boyfriend at the time who was in his mid-30's. He told me with an air of superiority that there isn't just ONE person out there for a single person. In fact, he went on to say that one could really be happy with anyone. Take it one step further, others do not make you sad, YOU make YOU sad (or happy or angry or whatever). Well, I didn't agree with the 'you can be with anyone' theory, but I now do understand what he meant about others not being responsible for your happiness or lack thereof.

What are your thoughts on this topic?

Living a Life in Pieces: The Inner Child Struggling with the Troubled Adult-Self

Excerpt from my autobiography as an adult survivor of child abuse.

It happens quietly inside where no one can see it, yes silently. Over time the wholeness cracks and separate pieces become more and more noticeable. The attempts at band-aids work for a while and then fail, requiring an alternate repair. Meanwhile life goes on...

As a 50 year old patched together woman, I have quiet little wishes and plans for my future that I fear may not occur. Those little wishes and plans held me together and provided me hope and a focus through the depression of Winter. This Winter in particular was bad for me on many levels and my mental anguish at times was acute to the point of wishing it could be dulled in a flash.

Funny thing about being an adult. We all go through life acting normal, trying to be normal (whatever normal is). However, I never felt like I was 'normal'. Me as a wallflower was a protective mechanism to blend into the walls, to avoid attention. Attention meant the very real possibility of abuse. I am an adult survivor of abuse, and I have spent a life trying to piece together a whole person that felt worthy enough (to myself) to warrant life. I learned to cry quietly where no one could hear, 'Silent Tears.'

Fast forward to my life as an adult and I feel like my life has not been entirely of my own making. So yeah, life stressors can lead to depression. If one is prone to depression (Winter doesn't help) and you add LOTS of different stressors, BAM!!!!! I acknowledge that I have not fully recovered from the death of my mother five years ago, nor the loss of my mother-in-law five years ago. The result of both severing my only female confidants. Once that resource is gone, life becomes an empty void with no close female support mechanisms. ASIDE: numerous attempts to build and nurture female relationships in hopes of re-connecting with another female for a symbiotic/supportive relationship has failed.

At this moment I stand on a precipice, ready to step off the edge.