At the Barre: Motion to Music

The music for movement in my studio is as varied as my mood. As many choreographers and dancers will tell you, virtually any piece of music can be used to express through dance, think of Balanchine's genius as a perfect example.

Whether Adagio or Allegra, the choices of my music are on a wide spectrum. Think about the great fun you can have with turns and leaps to Michael Jackson's 'Invincible'.

I also adore Christina Aguilera and it evokes very strong emotions in me. I used one of her songs for a simple dance video of me doing careful pointe after three months rehabilitation recovering from a hip flexor injury, but due to possible copyright problems I cannot share the original here.

So my recommendation is you dance for yourself, whenever and wherever your heart takes you.


Impromptu barre - Virginia Beach - May 2011

Balance of Adult and Inner Child: Crying as a stress reliever

When Do You Cry?

I cry when it means something. I don't understand, emotion consumes me, so sad my heart aches, or so happy my heart sings.

My husband and male friends feel perplexed when I suddenly cry and within mere moments I stop. For me, it's like a teapot that's reached a boiling point and spews to release the pressure and within a short time I'm balanced again.

Crying is a venting mechanism for stress that helps me keep a balance between my inner child and my adult self.

Of course, crying can be for other reasons and I'm not making generalizations for all, just sharing my most common reason.

The point? We all need to find ways to de-stress so there's a balance of our adult self and inner child.

Only You Control Your Happiness

Oh yes, there are many cliches we could share such as: 1) you have to be a friend to make a friend, 2) you have to love yourself in order to really know how to love another, 3) no man is an island, 4) others don't make you unhappy, you choose to be unhappy.

I think more accurately the wisdom that I have acquired at this late age (50+) I wish to share with my younger friends, colleagues, children and grand children is:



The driving force for this epiphany is the very real possibly of a young, insecure, unhappy, depression-prone young person that I see going down a dark spiral and I cannot FIX what is broken. :(

You Are in Control of Your Own Life
Passively waiting for life to happen to you, or that one other thing that you wish would happen, just one more thing....and you'll be happy.

I believe that a LOT of what life has in store for a person is based STRONGLY on ones own fortitude. If you want to be a rock star, then do what it takes to try your best to be a rock star. Of course, one can want to be a rock star, but might not have the talent to warrant the wish, but that's not the point... It's important to TRY and put EFFORT into making a life that you want, even if YOU fail at least you TRIED (many millionaires fail before they became millionaires).

Isn't a life alone half lived? Don't be filled with regrets of woulda, shoulda, coulda. You don't have to be one of the them. In fact, along the way you will be amazed at the experiences that you gain from the adventures you have in developing your full personhood. It's a journey of discover that should be lifelong with endless possibilities. A clean page to start anew EVERY DAY!!

You Are the Reason You Are Sad

This reminds me of a conversation I had when I was in my early 20's with my boyfriend at the time who was in his mid-30's. He told me with an air of superiority that there isn't just ONE person out there for a single person. In fact, he went on to say that one could really be happy with anyone. Take it one step further, others do not make you sad, YOU make YOU sad (or happy or angry or whatever). Well, I didn't agree with the 'you can be with anyone' theory, but I now do understand what he meant about others not being responsible for your happiness or lack thereof.

Living a Life in Pieces: The Inner Child Struggling with the Troubled Adult-Self

Excerpt from my autobiography as an adult survivor of child abuse.

It happens quietly inside where no one can see it, yes silently. Over time the wholeness cracks and separate pieces become more and more noticeable. The attempts at band-aids work for a while and then fail, requiring an alternate repair. Meanwhile life goes on...

As a 50 year old patched together woman, I have quiet little wishes and plans for my future that I fear may not occur. Those little wishes and plans held me together and provided me hope and a focus through the depression of Winter. This Winter in particular was bad for me on many levels and my mental anguish at times was acute to the point of wishing it could be dulled in a flash.

Funny thing about being an adult. We all go through life acting normal, trying to be normal (whatever normal is). However, I never felt like I was 'normal'. Me as a wallflower was a protective mechanism to blend into the walls, to avoid attention. Attention meant the very real possibility of abuse. I am an adult survivor of abuse, and I have spent a life trying to piece together a whole person that felt worthy enough (to myself) to warrant life. I learned to cry quietly where no one could hear, 'Silent Tears.'

Fast forward to my life as an adult and I feel like my life has not been entirely of my own making. So yeah, life stressors can lead to depression. If one is prone to depression (Winter doesn't help) and you add LOTS of different stressors, BAM!!!!! I acknowledge that I have not fully recovered from the death of my mother five years ago, nor the loss of my mother-in-law five years ago. The result of both severing my only female confidants. Once that resource is gone, life becomes an empty void with no close female support mechanisms. ASIDE: numerous attempts to build and nurture female relationships in hopes of re-connecting with another female for a symbiotic/supportive relationship has failed.

At this moment I stand on a precipice, ready to step off the edge.

Make-Believe: Embracing Your Inner Child

I have not written a blog entry in a while, but I just got inspired by an article on Make-Believe that my husband clipped and put on my desk. Google is my friend, so of course I ‘googled’ make believe and among the responses I got back from my query (including music bands and dancewear in Jacksonville) I got ZILCH… Seriously! Google doesn’t advocate ‘Make-Believe?’ Well, I’m not going to sit here sifting through pages and pages of non-make-believe data to find that embrace-your-inner-child moment. So…


Defining ‘Make-Believe’

Make-believe to me is using ones imagination to create, so we look at ‘imagination’ to help us in the use of ‘Make-believe.’ Using ones imagination or creating a ‘Make-Believe’ scenario is a creative or artistic expression where we use our minds to create in a freer/less-restraining environment. However, societal norms, conventions, and morays do limit most of the outward use of imagination so as not to appear non-conformist or even mentally unstable.

Albert Einstein said, "Imagination ... is more important than knowledge. Knowledge is limited and the imagination encircles the world."

Woah, what happened?! I was thinking of writing a light-hearted piece on make-believe or using ones imagination and I ended up down this cerebral path that’s positively KILLING my original inspiration!!! So back on track.

Jani Taylor’s piece "About Make-Believe" speaks to me because she remind us of the need for those precious moments when we get to escape the mundane, serious world (often with our children) and fuel our imaginations. As Ms. Taylor states,

“the world of make believe isn’t so much about escape as about renewal and healing.”

I agree wholeheartedly with this statement, and I believe that in a world that is often too serious and often violent adults need heal from the world of adulthood that does take its toll on our hearts, minds, and even our souls. Many (myself included) seek moments of escape wherever our interests take us.


How to Practice Make-Believe Moments

The easiest way to have those wonderful childlike, healing moments is in the company of a child. If you are lucky enough to be able to occasionally embrace yourself in a world where time stands still and you engage a different part of yourself, the results are glorious and a balm. At first you might have a sobering pause when you get off that swing in the playground and the reality that you hadn’t done that in years hits you. On a personal note, becoming a parent or grandparent also provides us with opportunities to tune our perspective and experience life through the eyes of a child.

-A feel good movie
-Put on a puppet show
-Sing Christmas songs anytime you want (Summer too)
-Sing like a rock star (shower or car)
-Enjoy your Christmas tree 365 days of the year
-Silly moments with friends or loved ones (charades anyone?)
-Reading or playing with a child
-Coloring (VERY therapeutic)
-Reading any work of fiction that fires the imagination
-Writing stories (or a blog…ha, ha, ha)

The possibilities are endless. Just good clean fun, and an opportunity to embrace our inner child. Go play!

Postscript: Hubby and I have been writing a children's trilogy together, and hope someday to have it published.

Gluten Free Recipes

Banana Bread (gluten free)
1/3 cup canola oil
2/3 brown sugar
2 large eggs
1 tsp vanilla extract (I substituted with pumpkin spice)
1 3/4 cups of gluten free flour
1 tsp xantham gum
2 tsp baking powder
1 1/4 tsp cinnamon
1/2 tsp salt
1 1/2 cups mashed ripe bananas
1/2 cup finely chopped pecans or walnuts
1/2 cup raisins

Preheat oven 350F. Grease 9x5 inch non-stick loaf pan.
Mix with electric mixer: oil, sugar, eggs, vanilla (pumpkin spice).
Add flour, gum, salt, powder, cinnamon to egg mixture, alternating with bananas.
Beat until smooth
Stir in nuts and raisins
Transfer to pan and bake for ~1 hour


Flax Muffins (gluten free)
1 1/2 cup gluten free flour w/1 tsp xanthum gum
1 1/2 cup flaxseed meal
2 tsp baking soda
1 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt
2 tsp cinnamon
1 1/2 cups shredded carrots
2 peeled and shredded apples
1/2 cup raisins
1 cup chopped nuts
3/4 cups Almond milk
2 eggs beaten
1 tsp vanilla (I substituted with pumpkin spice)

Mix together flour, xanthum gum, flaxseed meal, brown sugar, baking soda, baking powder, salt and cinnamon in large bowl.

Stir in carrots, apples, raisins and nuts.
Combine milk, beaten eggs and pumpkin spice.
Pour liquid ingredients into dry ingredients.
Stir until all are moistened...do not over mix.
Fill in muffin tins or 9x5 inch pan.
Bake at 350 degrees for 45 mins in pan OR 20 mins as muffins


Three Seed Bread (soon)

Let Me Entertain You with My Life - July 2010

July 6, 2010
The beauty of music touches my soul like no other; it evokes such strong emotion that it brings me to tears of joy.

July 17, 2010
I just heard this song on the radio while driving and it is not only is stuck in my head, but has inspired me to go to the dance studio!



Unwritten lyrics
Songwriters: Brisebois, Danielle A; Bedingfield, Natasha Anne; Rodriques, Wayne Steven;
I am unwritten
Can't read my mind
I'm undefined

I'm just beginning
The pen's in my hand
Ending unplanned

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
Today is where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Oh, oh

I break tradition
Sometimes my tries
Are outside the lines

We've been conditioned
To not make mistakes
But I can't live that way, no

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

Staring at the blank page before you
Open up the dirty window
Let the sun illuminate the words
That you could not find

Reaching for something in the distance
So close you can almost taste it
Release your inhibitions
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
Feel the rain on your skin

No one else can feel it for you
Only you can let it in
No one else, no one else
Can speak the words on your lips

Drench yourself in words unspoken
Live your life with arms wide open
To the years where your book begins
The rest is still unwritten

The rest is still unwritten
The rest is still unwritten

July 23, 2010
Okay, LIFE with NO grains, dairy, or sugar = 7 lbs of weight loss thus far.

FRUIT LIST
High sugar fruits are still low in calories and very high in nutrition. They don't need to be avoided, unless you are in the initial stages of a low carb diet.

high sugar fruits
Apples, cherries, grapes, loganberries, kumquats, mangoes, pears, pineapple, bananas, figs, prunes, and dried Fruits.

low sugar fruits
Small Amounts of Lemon or Lime, rhubarb, raspberries, blackberries, cranberries

low to medium sugar fruits
Strawberries, casaba melon, papaya, watermelon, peaches, nectarines, blueberries, cantaloupes, honeydew melons, apples, guavas, apricots, and grapefruit.

Sources: Righthealth.com
www.oodora.com

July 27, 2010
Yesterday, spent 6 hours of my work day reviewing 50 resumes (oh joy), followed by killer workout with trainer at end of day (barely able to walk after 3 SETS of Bulgarian lunges)!! Oh, and someone stole my lunch out of the work refrigerator!!!

Then, I came home from my workout HUNGRY only to find my son had eaten my gluten free banana bread SO I peeled and shredded a LOT of carrots and apples to make my gluten free carrot/apples muffins.

July 28, 2010
We all have those moments in life where we want to make a 'mental note' to avoid those experiences again.